


If At First You Don’t Succeed

by phantom_rain



Category: World Wrestling Entertainment
Genre: Angst, Angsty thoughts, F/F, Lots of irrational thinking, all the sads, and i mean Angst, angsty arguments
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-23
Updated: 2019-12-23
Packaged: 2021-02-26 01:55:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,336
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21915601
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/phantom_rain/pseuds/phantom_rain
Summary: Post Wrestlemania 2019What was supposed to be a night of celebration turns into one of immense heartbreak when long time issues can no longer be ignored. Just because we don’t acknowledge the fractures, doesn’t mean they aren’t there.
Relationships: Sasha Banks/Becky Lynch | Rebecca Knox
Comments: 8
Kudos: 19





	If At First You Don’t Succeed

**Author's Note:**

> Set as a prequel to ‘Try Try Again’

It is probably by far the most selfish and cowardly thing she has ever done in her entire life.

Tonight she is supposed to be celebrating the night away. A few of hours ago she main evented Wrestlemania and won the biggest match of her career. She just made history by becoming the woman to simultaneously hold both the Raw and Smackdown women’s championships. She should be singing her success from the rooftops.

Instead, Becky finds herself sitting in silence alone in her hotel room. She squeezes her eyes shut when her phone lights up on the nightstand for the hundredth time in the last twenty minutes.

That’s how long it’s been since she did dumbest thing she’s ever done. What makes matters worse, she doesn’t regret what she did. Just how she did it.

Things haven’t been great for a while and she knows that. Hell, what they do for a living sure as shit doesn’t make it easy. Earlier tonight just happened to reveal the fractures both parties have been desperately trying to ignore.

On one hand, Becky feels incredibly selfish. She knows she is, but on the other hand she can’t help it. She can’t help but allow herself to feel just a tiny bit of irrationality when she feels like she has been the only one giving and giving for the last several months. 

_‘I don’t think I can do this anymore...’_

The text has been sent out in a whim. Her adrenaline had still been high and mixing that with other overwhelming emotions proved a result of sheer stupidity. After she had hit send she tossed her phone aside as if it had burned her.

Glancing over to the offending object once again, Becky sighs heavily. She almost wishes that the damn thing would just die and she wouldn’t be left with facing the music of her own adult decisions. 

Or any decisions she may be about to make. 

She reaches over and retrieves her phone, immediately turned off by the amount of notifications littering the screen. A lot of social media mentions and a lot of messages from her friends and colleagues. Amidst all of that however, a familiar thread catches her eye. 

The contact surrounded by purple hearts and the sunglasses emoji. 

There is a long string of missed calls, messages, and voicemails she doesn’t dare chance listening to right now. She can’t. Not after the text she sent. 

“Fuck...” she breathes, dropping her head into her hands as she contemplates what to do next. She could text back, but texting is what got her here in the first place. She could call? But she’s not sure she would be able to keep it together over the phone. 

Making a very last minute decision, she grabs her phone, room key, and jacket before leaving her hotel room. She thumbs through her phone for the directions sent to her a few days ago back when things were moderately okay. For the time being at least.

* * *

Sasha doesn’t feel like herself as she frantically paces around her hotel room with her phone in hand. Her hands shake involuntarily as she checks checks and re-checks her notifications screen only to find nothing new.

_‘I don’t think I can do this anymore...’_

That was the text she had gotten from her girlfriend that sent her already fragile mood into a deeper spiral.

She had immediately texted back after reading the message, quickly following that up with a series of calls and voicemails, but for some godforsaken reason, Becky is keen on torturing her with nothing but silence as a response.

Sasha had left the arena not long after the completion of her own match. Lost in the thoughts swirling in the darkest corners of her mind, she had said a quick goodbye to Bayley and sighted the need to be alone. There were so many people who wanted to talk, so many people who wanted to ask questions and she just couldn’t deal. Not now.

She has always had the habit of isolating herself when something goes wrong or if she starts feeling some type of way. She likes to rationalize to herself that she prefers to be left alone to deal with it rather than subject anyone else to her whirlwind of unpredictable emotion; however unhealthy that may be.

It is just a unique but unfortunate set of circumstances that has left her own girlfriend a victim of the deadly combination of the whirlwind and isolation.

Just as Sasha is sure she is about to send her phone through the window, she is startled out of her internal thoughts by a tentative knock at her door. Quickly crossing the room, she flings the door open and immediately her blood runs cold.

“You have some fucking nerve...” her voice is low and controlled despite her heart threatening to beat out of her chest.

Becky actually has the audacity to look sheepish. “I know...” she mumbles, slightly surprised that the door wasn’t immediately slammed in her face. “Can I come in?”

Instead of responding, Sasha spins on her heel and retreats further back into the room, leaving the door open as a silent invitation. An invitation that is reluctantly accepted as the other woman tentatively enters the room. The tenseness that follows fits the cliche of being cut with a knife. Not a word is said between the two as they stare at each other in the heavy silence.

Becky is the first to look away as she can tell that Sasha has been crying; the strands of unruly purple hair and streaks of mascara are enough to give that way. Becky has no doubt that it has direct relation to what her text message implicated and that makes this all the more difficult.

“I shouldn’t have said that in a text...”

“What?”

“I said I shouldn’t have said that in a text...” Becky repeats, this time forcing herself to maintain eye contact. “I sent it in impulse and that was immature. I shouldn’t have said that in a text...”

Sasha takes a shuddering deep breath. “So...you’re apologizing, not for what you said...but the fact that you said it in a text...” A long pause, “Becky...what is this?”

Another pause as Becky looks away again. “I...don’t think this is working anymore.” She motions between the two of them. “We...us...it’s not working.”

And it hasn’t been, that much is evident to the both of them. This wouldn’t be the first time it hasn’t worked. The first time they got together they were much younger. Doe-eyed and dumb, they had quickly fallen in like and prematurely declared a relationship. They learned soon after that they had rushed into things and it was on mutual agreement that they pursue a stronger platonic relationship and get to know one another better before taking a shot at anything romantic.

For a while, it worked. Their friendship strengthened over the years and it only seemed natural when they finally admitted they had fallen in love and they were ready for it. It only felt right and this time they actually felt like a couple. It’s times like that they long for. Back before work and anxiety became so prominent that it managed to sneak in and slowly drive them apart.

Sasha tries to mentally will herself to stop shaking. Whether she’s shaking because of anger, fear, or panic, she isn’t able to pinpoint. “I...don’t know what you’re talking about...”

Becky huffs. “That’s exactly it. It’s been wrong and it’s like you’ve been too closed off to see it. You’ve been shutting yourself away and not letting anyone in. You’re not letting me in. And tonight was one of the biggest nights of my life and you weren’t even there.”

Sasha squares her jaw and her muddled confusion is replaced by a fire. “Is that what this is? You’re smarting because The Man won Wrestlemania and I wasn’t there to carry your belts for you? Is that what this is?”

“That’s not it and you know.”

“No! Actually I don’t! All I know is I come here from having one of the most stressful and consequently disappointing nights I’ve had in a very long time and I look down to a fucking text from my girl friend saying she ‘can’t do this anymore’ so excuse the fuck out of me for not knowing!”

“You’ve closed yourself off, Sasha!” Becky shouts, marching the other woman’s tone as their voices begin to rise. “It’s not just about tonight! It’s about every time something is wrong instead of coming to me you run! You’ve been brooding for months and not once have you even bothered opening up to me about it. You’re acting like you don’t trust me anymore!”

Sasha rolls her eyes and scoffs. She’s no stranger to the way they fight. They both get riled up enough to start playing the blame game. It seems that today, Becky’s weapon of choice is about trust.

“Of course I trust you! It’s got nothing to do with trust!”

“It’s got _everything_ to do with trust!”

Silence falls as the echo from their shouting settles. Neither of them speak for so long that Becky’s next words almost startle them both.

“Is there someone else?”

“You have got to be fucking kidding.” Sasha tilts her head back towards the ceiling and laughs mirthlessly at the accusation.

Becky raises her eyebrows. “Well? Is there?” A pause. “...Is it Bayley?”

Despite having a slight height and density advantage, Becky is completely taken off guard when Sasha quickly closes the distance between them and shoves her. _Hard_. She stumbles a good distance of the room before she can plant her feet to prevent herself from ending up on her ass. Sasha is on her in a second, roughly jabbing a finger into her chest.

“Don’t you fucking dare. You do not get to send me some bullshit text message and then come in here and give me some half assed speech about trust right before you accuse me of sleeping with my best friend. How dare you?”

She knows she’s gone too far, but being too proud to admit it, Becky simply crosses her arms and clenches her jaw. “I mean if the shoe fits...”

“You are unbelievable.” Sasha crosses the room and wraps her arms around herself. “You want to know what’s been going on? Most days I don’t even feel like a person Becky. I wake up and I go through the motions and most days I don’t even register when people say my name. Never in my life have I cared about so much and so little at the same time. I’m tired and I can’t fake a smile anymore.”

Becky studies Sasha for a long moment. The Legit Boss is a larger than life individual that carries herself with such gusto in the ring. So much so that private moments like this sometimes shock Becky into remembering how small Sasha really is. Guilt slowly creeps it’s way into her chest.

“So what are you going to do?” Becky mumbles.

Sasha shrugs and doesn’t respond for a long time. When she does, it’s quiet. “I don’t know. Step away. Take some time to figure out who I am again.”

Biting her lip and nodding, Becky contemplates her next words. A voice in the back of her mind is screaming at her to fight but the one at the forefront is telling her to let go. It just so happens that the latter is much louder than the former.

“Then I’m going to let you.” She breathes, and she swears her heart breaks when Sasha’s tear filled eyes make contact with her own.

“You’re serious then...” Sasha isn’t sure if that was supposed to be a question or a statement.

“I think...right now we are at very different points in our lives and...maybe we both need to take a step back from this.” Becky longs to reach out, but she knows if she makes contact then she will change her mind and she can’t do that. Not now. Not after she’s convinced herself that this is the right answer.

A watery laugh escapes Sasha as a few tears finally fall. “It’s funny how you say I’m the one running...but you’re here doing the exact same thing.” She shakes her head and her shoulders drop in defeat. “If this is what you want then...I’m not going to stop you. I can’t.” 

“Sasha I’m sorry...”

“Me too...” Sasha’s breath is shaky as she lowers herself into the corner of her bed, keeping her back to her girlfriend. No. Ex-girlfriend. “I think it would be best if you left.”

Becky nods even though Sasha isn’t facing her. She opens her mouth to say something, to say anything, but she can’t. Nothing comes out as the finality of her decision sets in for the both of them. She hadn’t anticipated it to go like this, the first time surely didn’t. But there is no going back now.

Hearing the door click shut is what breaks her and a strangled sob finally escapes Sasha’s lips. She slides down to the floor and pulls her knees to her chest and cries. She cries for herself mostly but she also cries for Becky and what apparently wasn’t worth saving.

Outside, Becky makes it roughly two steps from the room before she slides down to the floor with her back against the wall. She drops her head into her hands and a shaky sigh escapes her as her own tears fall.

What was supposed to be the best night of her life quickly turned into the worst and it’s her own damn fault. The two voices in her head continuously scream back and forth, one begging her to run back and apologize while the other convinces her she has made the right decision. A decision she isn’t sure she will ever be forgiven for. 

**Author's Note:**

> Who boy howdy. Told ya. ‘‘Twas angsty. I probably shouldn’t write when I’m in weird moods but that’s neither here nor there haha. 
> 
> Needless to say, I definitely do have a gap to bridge between this one and the last one as to not leave anyone handing on too much if the sads.
> 
> As always, thanks for stopping by! Kudos and comments always welcome :)


End file.
